Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
