someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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