i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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