The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
