hell yes lets make some ravioli
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
