New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
