Don't make out with my wife yet
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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