i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
where are my eyebrows?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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