I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
