this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
