She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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