you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
