so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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