woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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