I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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