who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
