If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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