Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
