I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
