did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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