Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
