I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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