I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
