dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
