just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
whose parrot is this?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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