FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
