these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
