She went from zero to smokin in five shots
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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