Everything about him screamed your future.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
