I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He kissed a someone with a penis
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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