That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i will never coherently bang her
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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