you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
