I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
how drunk are you?
Several
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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