1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
