I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
