you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
