After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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