I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
