dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
