I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
did i walk over a car last night?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
