Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
