Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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