shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
