do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
