What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
