Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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