If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
