how can u be prego again
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
