just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
