The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
