I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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