he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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