I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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